D.O.N.E.

Anxiety is my response to stress. Anxiety is the way that depression presents itself to me - I'm not one to spend the day in bed. Anxiety is my way of dealing with stuff I don’t want to or unaware that I need to deal with. Up until now I thought the only good thing about anxiety was weight loss. But now, I’m realizing that anxiety is really my friend.

Anxiety helped me determine that online dating is not for me. The last two weeks I’ve been so anxious. I wasn’t sleeping, I was working out like a fiend - riding miles on end - trying to quell the feeling and finally I realized what it was; online dating. I know, it works for a lot of people – we all know someone who knew somebody whose sister’s roommate’s mother met their soul mate on Match/e-Harmony/Chemistry/CatholicSingles/ Active/etc./etc. I’m pretty sure I'll never be one of those and guess what . . . I’m okay with that.

Anxiety is different than fear. I don't feel fearful about online dating. I don't feel insecure or nervous - in fact I know I can figure out something to talk about - I am interested in what people have to say. When I'm sitting across the table from one of these guys and all I can think about is how much better this time would be used cleaning out the refrigerator - well that's a problem. I just don't have any fun doing it - the whole exercise is painful. And why do I continue to do something that brings me absolutely no joy?

We’ve had an incredible summer in the northwest, and as a native Seattlelite I can honestly say it has been truly one of the best I have ever known. Since I am somewhat of a fair-weather rider I have taken advantage of the beautiful weather and have been in my favorite seat at least twice a week or more. Yesterday I took a giant spill. I was riding downhill on a shady path and started to break when the back tire started swerving – I was going down. Your mind can respond so quickly– I steered hard to the left moving the bike into a bramble bush and the softer ground. I have some pretty magnificent looking scratches on my legs and my back and shoulder are sore and bruised but other than that I’m no worse for the wear. For someone who had been afraid of her own shadow, I’m pretty proud of the tough ole’ girl I’ve become. I’m making friends with my anxiety, learning about who I am and how I tick and it’s quite a trip.