Passings

My friend B's mom passed away this week.  Lois was an amazing and unique woman and I am truly a better person having known her.  Lois always made me feel welcomed and loved and celebrated. Her granddaughter (B's daughter) summed her up perfectly and you can't improve on perfection . . . this was Lois in nutshell . . .


My belt should always match my shoes.
Black goes with anything.  Especially more black.
There is no such thing as too many handbags.
Don't buy cheap shoes.  They make your feet ugly.  And no one likes ugly feet.
Wear a bra.  Even if you have nothing to put in it.
Be anything at all.  Just don't be boring.
Food is the way to a man's heart.  And a blow job.
Water makes you rusty.  So drink wine instead.
Every woman should know how to make an apple pie.
Never admit you don't know something.  Make up an answer and go with it.  Good acting will win over intelligence any day.  Just look at all the idiots in Hollywood.
The sign of a good man is a good eater.
Be careful what you set your heart upon, for it will surely be yours.  (I always loved this).
Make sure your clothes fit properly.  If you look fat in it...you are.
Never ask someone their dress size, shoe size, age, grades, or income.  It's tacky.
Never criticize a book, play, or film unless you have read it or seen it yourself.  Art is full of surprises.  And beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  And most peoples' opinions are garbage.
Be loyal.  Fiercely loyal.  Especially when it concerns your family.
Never turn down a drink...or dessert.  It's rude to the host.
You don't get to choose your own nickname:).
You should always have fresh flowers in your house.  And they should never be carnations.
People not having 'seconds' at the dinner table is never an option.  Always make more food than you think you will need.  That's what Tupperware and a fridge are for.  And if your food is good, you won't need either.
When excusing yourself from the table, you don't need to give a reason.
When it comes to opening presents, no one likes a good guesser (and no one likes two little kids that open ALL the presents at Christmas Eve either).
Don't date the bartender.  He probably has crabs.
Don't stare, unless they deserve it.  And if they are dressed like a fool or acting like a fool...they deserve it.
Surround yourself with people smarter than you.  But always be the funniest.
Hang artwork at eye level.
Read.  Look up the words you don't know.
Do crossword puzzles.  Look up the answers you don't know.
It's okay to be an asshole once in awhile.  The people that matter will always forgive you. 
Write letters.  On paper.
Never push someone off a dock.  It makes them not trust you.
Unless you are a doctor, never answer your phone after you have sat down at the dinner table.
Always keep a good joke handy.  The dirtier the better.
There's no such thing as too much salt, too much garlic, or too much wine.
There's never a proper time to chew gum.  It makes you look like a cow.
Never practice two vices at once.  One is all anyone needs.  But be good at the one you have.
Don't ever request a joke or an impression.  They are never as good on command.
No one likes a know it all.
The F-word cures every problem.  Big or small.
And, above everything else, nothing is more important than family.  Love them, be nice to them, and tease the hell out of them at Thanksgiving.

I'll miss you forever Lois - heaven just became more lively and vibrant with the new resident.