Traditions!

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.  Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.  ~Jane Howard

Thirty-two years ago in a tiny house in Lake City we had our first of what has become a cherished tradition – the Cougan/Davis Christmas dinner.  That first year BZ made BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes and decorated the rafters of her house with gingerbread men each bearing one of our names. Kip was almost three years-old, Melissa and Kelsey just three months.  We shared the joys and burdens of being young parents, still students, no money, few possessions but lots of energy and love for our growing families. If we knew then this would grow into a lifelong gathering I’m sure we would have taken pictures. Of course at that time we weren't able to afford the cost of processing the photos!

Over the years our children grew less wilder – things quieted down, the meals became more gourmet - our houses changed and we established a rhythm – I took the odd years, BZ the even. There was the year an ice storm struck about an hour before we were to leave for the Davis house. Taking nearly an hour to travel three miles Walt announced that we wouldn’t be able to go further without risking life and limb. I called BZ and she dissolved in tears after all the hours and expense she went to making a crown pork roast for the first time.  Megan invited all of her high school friends and they enjoyed her lovingly prepared meal.  

Then there was the year I was facing Christmas alone – BZ said you’re sad and your life feels like it’s over but it’s your year and we’re coming over for our annual dinner. Bob made a beautiful toast promising my children and me that he and BZ would be there to always love us and give any needed help or advice.  The only time I got a postponement, not a pass mind you, was when I had surgery in mid-December.

The kids tell stories now - how they tortured one another; making Kelsey play the McDonalds worker while Megan and Melissa were two girls shopping, stopping in for a quick bite to eat  – how each time Peter got up from his plate they would play with his food or spit on it.

We gathered this year at Melissa and Charlie’s house because we now number 18 and my house is way too small to accommodate a sit down dinner for that many. I still did all the food preparation – we co-hosted so in that way the mantle is slowly turning.  Now with five grandchildren we have returned to those wild and hectic gatherings. Still, it is a beautiful thing – to look around the room and see how our families have grown. We’ve added new in-laws who have fitted in seamlessly, and there has been major changes – difference that we didn’t ask for or imagined so many years ago. The end result is a beautiful tapestry of love - a family of choice - memories that we all cherish. What a wonderful way to celebrate Christmas!