The Challenge

Thank you to my friends who called and checked in on me. They heard the news - worried about my response to the police shootings in Parkland, Washington. My stomach hurts with concern for my son and for the tragedy and difficult journey that I can't even conceive of that these families have ahead of them. It is so senseless and impossible to understand. It is times like this that most challenge my faith.

I first heard about it this morning - it appeared as breaking news on the bank of television sets at my health club. My initial reaction was panic, horror and despair - quickly I recalled what Peter's work schedule was and relieved that I knew he was home but nevertheless - it is the reality of my worst nightmare. As more information is released and now the names and faces of the fallen officers are heard it all becomes more real - I can't pretend that Peter is always safe - he is no longer the little boy that I worked so hard to protect. And so I am left with how do I cope with this reality?

Yet, even as I cry for the woman and men who died today - pray, bargain, and plead that this will not be an experience that my daughters or I will have to bear,  I try to keep in mind that this life is not a guarantee - that living in fear limits and that life is filled with Grace when we trust - above all we must live with full awareness that this is it - it is our only chance - we only get one - and for me, I try to remember that Peter is doing what he is called to do - it is a true vocation for him, and for that I must let go and believe that even in this - God is present. It is the true challenge in being part of the faithful.