Mother's Day

I had a wonderful Mother’s Day enjoying a delicious brunch of gourmet French toast, fresh fruit and bacon with my three adult children, their spouses and my two grandchildren. Sitting there I began to feel a surrealness . . . these adult people who I really, really, like are my children. Now they have children of their own and they are a part of me too . . . I had a hand in the development of 5/7 of the people sitting there and they are not axe murders or only just okay, they are phenomenal! How did I manage that?? The time that has passed between their babyhood and now seemed so long ago and yet in so some ways, like yesterday. It feels like a hazy dream – foreign yet so familiar. I’m a different person now; not mommy, not wife, not homemaker. I’m forging new ground here and it got me to thinking about role models and how much they can influence what you do or don’t do.

Who were my role models? My mom, my aunt, grandmother? My mother had so many issues that although she was present and tried hard, she left a lot of damage. Now seeing her through adult eyes I feel sympathetic and more forgiving toward her. My aunt always seemed to be more accepting of who I was and my grandmother just loved me. Sure, I incorporated parts of their actions in my parenting but surprisingly one woman comes to mind, Anne McKinnley - who was basically a stranger but influenced me nevertheless. Anne is the mother of a friend from high school. She unknowingly nuanced the sort of mother I wanted to be remembered as – how I conducted myself and what sort of life experiences I wanted for my children. Somehow I saw her as pragmatic, gracious and unpretentious. She was sort of like a real life Samantha Stevens (Darrin’s wife, part-time witch, classic 60s sitcom) without the magic of course. Through this filter of non-fiction and fictional people I became a conglomerate of me; Michelle, mother of three, grandmother of two, mother-in-law and I'm looking for new role models for this next journey.

I am neither my mother, my aunt, my grandmother, Samantha Stevens or Anne McKinnley. Considering the pictures I choose for this blog entry I wonder if I would recognize me, what would I think of the woman I've become? What would young Michelle ask old Michelle and would she listen to that advice, would she relate to her story? We are the embodiment of all who touch our lives and each of us is an unique entity influenced by more than we can ever see or acknowledge. I am grateful to all of those women who brought me to where I am today and the future influence I will receive to help me with tomorrow.